Today was a day that I would flush away if I could.

It started out on a bad note. I woke up late with only ten minutes until I needed to get my daughter on the bus. As I rushed out of bed, I stepped in a puddle of pee left from my aging dog.

Screams.

I yelled way too much as I rushed my daughter out the door scrambling to get to the bus on time.

Failure.

That is the thought I had after the morning rush.

It is amazing how quickly negative thoughts can just rush in and take over our minds.

I managed to plunge my way through the day until bedtime routine.

I go upstairs to find a toilet on the brink of overflowing. To say I lost my s**t would be an understatement. I had both my son and daughter crying. I was crying too as I searched for the plunger. Why is the plunger not in my bathroom? Why is my toilet brush covered in toilet paper? I screamed don’t flush the toilet two seconds too late and watched the toilet completely overflow.

Water everywhere. Crap everywhere. Two crying kids. One crying mom and a HUGE mess.

I threw down a bunch of towels and closed the bathroom door. I couldn’t look at the mess for a second longer. I just needed to get the kids to bed. I cried my way through story time and prayers.

As I rocked my son to sleep, I hear my husband come home. I get a text saying what happened to the toilet. Then hear the sound of a toilet flushing. What is he doing? How the hell did he fix it in two minutes?

Then came more tears. Tears of defeat. Tears of anger.

More negative thoughts come rushing in.

You’re a bad mom. You cannot be trusted with taking care of two kids. There is something wrong with you.

Through tears I explained to my husband what happened. He just smiled and said, “It’s fixed. No big problem.”

I wish I could say that statement brought relief, but it didn’t. It brought more negative thoughts of I don’t deserve a good husband. I don’t deserve understanding kids. I don’t deserve this life.

Today was not a win. I would flush it away if I could. I’m going to bed early and I pray tomorrow is better. And for now, I am just thankful for a working flushable toilet.