You’re the best Mommy!
Those four words are what I heard as I let my daughter lick the brownie batter. Less than hour before we were in a screaming match over not letting her have ice-cream at 10am. In hindsight I see that to my daughter I really am the best mommy. Me yelling and being short tempered are all temporary and what my daughter focuses on is the present moment.
As I type this, I have tears in my eyes as I allow myself to self-reflect and I’m trying not to beat myself up. I’m human. And hearing “Can I have ice-cream?” for the 8th time before 10am broke me this morning. I’m human. My daughter is human too. We make mistakes. We say sorry and move on.
I can stay mad at myself and dwell on my mistakes or I can move on and bake brownies. I can tell you baking brownies is so much better than dwelling in the past.
I’ve been learning that a lot lately. I’ve been carrying around baggage from my past that honestly no longer serves a purpose. I’ve learned from it. I’ve taken steps to not repeat the same mistakes but yet I still carry all this baggage. All that baggage gets heavy, and I have blow ups like this morning.
Despite my faults I am loved. My daughter still thinks I’m the best mommy. My son still greets me with a smile and a hug. My husband still gives me a hug and a kiss. I am loved and I need to remember that more. I am valuable. My past doesn’t define me, but it has shaped me. I have certain perspectives that without going through super tough times I wouldn’t be able to help a friend or family member through their struggles.
I have been through struggles not to have them weigh me down but to build others up. I’ve had multiple near death experiences that only recently am I really understanding why I’m still here. I have gifts. I have a big heart and big feelings. I have a story to tell and It’s not one of defeat and sadness but of perseverance and resilience.
My story is still being written and with the grace of God has lots of chapters left. I refuse to let the baggage of my past hold me back. I’m using it as steppingstones to my future. A future where I can be the best mommy. I can be the best wife, sister, daughter, and friend. I can be my best self.