A fog. That’s the best way to describe my mind lately. The last few months I’ve been in constant motion but without clarity. I’ve had a fogginess that has prevented me from seeing the full picture. The full picture that my life may be messy, but it’s still beautiful.

I’ve had multiple triggers that have only intensified my lack of clarity. Triggers that cut deep and open up wounds that have barely started the process of healing. My mind has been full of emotions, and I’ve been having a terrible time trying to manage the constant flow of life.

My children are constant. Constantly asking for things. Constantly wanting to be on the move. Constantly requiring my undivided attention. But they also constantly give love. They constantly give hope and light into this uncertain world. They constantly bring laughter, joy, and a zest for life. I’m constantly giving to them, but they are giving me so much more in return.

With my mind in a fog, I haven’t been as mindful and grateful for all the love and pureness my children bring me.

I was triggered again today and as I write this the tears are falling. The wounds are deep and raw. Although that trigger brought me tears and anger, it has also given me the reminder to soak up the memories. Embrace life, hold your loved ones dear and never take any moment in time for granted.

Life is beautiful and messy all at the same time. The older I get the more I see the beauty in the unknown. I’m learning to appreciate the uncertainty, and I’m learning to lean into the pain and accept my emotions. In the past, I tried to run from the pain and bury my emotions, but that never got me anywhere good.

So, for now as the tears fall, I’m appreciating my pain. I know with each storm there are lessons to be learned and a rainbow is coming no matter how long it takes to show up.