Mother’s Day weekend is upon us and if I’m being honest, it’s really hitting me hard this year.

When things both good and bad happen the one person I want to tell most is my mom. I can’t call her. I can’t visit her and that hurts. My mom is heaven.

This week has been emotional to me on so many levels. Good things have been happening. Some stressful things too but I’ve just really wanted my mom’s warm embrace.

 I’ve been wanting to tell her all about different things I’ve been working on. I’ve wanted to tell her about my kids and ask her advice. I’ve been longing for her chicken strips and mashed potatoes.

 This week I lost it when I heard the song, Danny Boy. I had a hard-core cry that I definitely needed. I’ve been so focused on just completing one task then onto the next that I haven’t had the opportunity to process how I’m doing emotionally.

While listening to that song, all I wanted was my mom. I think of her every day, and I know she is always with me, but I really wanted a good hug and her wonderful words of wisdom. She was always my biggest cheerleader. Whenever I had self-doubt, which was often, I could talk to her, and she would say just what I needed to hear.

This week I went out of my comfort zone. I told my story out loud to a large audience. It was hard. I shared parts of my life that honestly sometimes I’m still triggered by. I spoke about really dark parts of my life and how close I was to taking my own life.

Being so open and vulnerable is emotionally draining. I am proud of myself, but at the end of the day the person I wanted to tell the most I couldn’t.

I know my daughter is excited to celebrate Mother’s Day. I want to be excited too. I just wish my mom was still here.