Sometimes in the stillness I can soak up the silence and really self-reflect. Other times the stillness scares me and I do everything in my power to make it go away. Sometimes I embrace the uncertainty. Other times in uncertainty I shut down and hibernate to self-protect. Sometimes I am confident in my abilities and I conquer task after task. Other times my self esteem is so low I can’t get out…
Mother’s Day weekend is upon us and if I’m being honest, it’s really hitting me hard this year. When things both good and bad happen the one person I want to tell most is my mom. I can’t call her. I can’t visit her and that hurts. My mom is heaven. This week has been emotional to me on so many levels. Good things have been happening. Some stressful things…
Doing something for the first time is scary. I saw the uneasiness and fear in my daughter’s eyes this past weekend before she ran her first 5k. She did it though. She faced her anxiety in the face and ran a 5k. Her face was beaming as she crossed the finish line. It definitely was a proud mama moment. I admire my daughter for conquering her fear and doing new things even if they…
A fog. That’s the best way to describe my mind lately. The last few months I’ve been in constant motion but without clarity. I’ve had a fogginess that has prevented me from seeing the full picture. The full picture that my life may be messy, but it’s still beautiful. I’ve had multiple triggers that have only intensified my lack of clarity. Triggers that cut deep and open up wounds that…
Suicidal thoughts. I’ve had several suicidal thoughts throughout this past week. March is a hard month filled with bittersweet anniversaries and birthdays. No matter how hard I try to prepare, it’s just downright hard. I prepared myself for March. I set up extra doctor and therapy appointments. I scheduled “me” time. Despite my preparation, I was still bogged down and overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts. Suicidal thoughts are something I have lived with for…